Fine Without You
by purplexskies
Summary: I didn't want to feel this way, but I did.


This is going to be slightly different from the 2-part episode of Dawson's Creek. I just wanted to do my take of how Jack feels and I wanted to switch up what happened so I can make it my own. I hope you enjoy!  
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I was falling, sinking to my dismay. All of my peer's gape's and sneers. I couldn't take them, when I was around them, they acted as If I was viewless completely. My father could see me, but then again he hadn't looked hard enough.

I could see it in his eyes when he looked at me, he knew that I was gay. I could feel his eyes burning holes in the back of my head, He was let down because I failed him.

I was different, he could tell. Whhle his best son was out dating prissy girls with rich parents I was watching from my bedroom window, thriving to be just like him.

But I wasn't.

My father just needed to accept that.

I always knew that a part of me differed from everyone else. I guess that was why I remained a loner,  
a loner that couldn't hold a decent conversation.

But when I met Joey, things changed. She was just like me, except for the fact that she was so straight-  
forward about everything, some of the things she said you had to question as If she even meant them at all in the first place.

Joey says that It wouldn't matter If I liked other men, she wasn't one of those people who find fault in the basic characteristics. Yet still, I haven't gained courage enough to tell her, or anyone for that matter.

My father spat at me, chastising ever-so-strongly about the subject I dodged for so very long but I knew I couldn't tell him either, because he already had other things to hold against me.

I wasn't a jock, I didn't have a scholarship, and I didn't date around. Tim held the title for that, every week he brought home a different girl; Blonde, Brunette, Redhead, Redhead, Blonde, Brunette. It was hard to keep up with, and most of the time I remembered their names before he could.

I was quite surprised that Tim bought himself into High School, I always thought he'd be a drop off after slacking off so much in High School. I learned not to do this, my grades were substantial to me. College was a priority and I was going to go, no matter how many bump in the roads I faced.

"What are you doing, Jack?" My sister's blonde head peaked in, pleasantly.

"Finishing homework." I murmured, brushing my paperwork off to the side so she could sit down. "How are you and Pacey holding up?"

Pacey was Andy's boyfriend, A rebel with a sweet side. Pacey was one of those guys you just needed to stay away from, and not because he would hurt you but because the conflicts that seemed to always be adding up. If you would've asked me, I didn't like the thought of them as an item because It hurt Andy's so much and I didn't want to see her hurt but, he was also the best thing she had right now.

You know, besides me, of course.

"He hasn't called, so I really wouldn't know. I feel like everytime we argue over something, the weaker our relationship gets, you know?" Andie says quietly, but it didn't change the effect of how she felt.

"I'm sorry about that, And." I reply genuinely.

"I am too." Andie tucked her hand in mine and squeezed tightly, sending a wave of realization towards me. She hadn't come in here to talk about relationship problems, she came in here to talk about the poem I wrote.

She heard about it, most likely from Pacey. If It hadn't been for Pacey's strongsuit, I wouldn't have had to read my poem aloud in front of the entire class. But, I didn't need to think about that. He helped me in every way possible to save me from public humiliation.

"I heard about the Poem." Andie took the lead into the conversation, but I just looked straight-away unable to talk about this with my sister right now.

"Do you believe what everyone is saying?" I whispered, ivoking the naivety of my tone.

"Of course not, why do you even question it?" Andy asks, offended that I would even think my sister would follow the crowd.

"The people you trust the most, turn on you." I began to croak, resulting in Andy's placing a finger on my lips to hush me. She was protecting me, protecting me from voicing my hopelessness. Andy didn't like seeing me in my vulnerable state, she'd rather see the no worries kind of Jack, the one I lost so long ago.

"I wont ever turn on you." Andy swore right from the heart, "You should know that, Jack."

"I do now." I laughed, feeling slightly better than average. "Thanks Andy, I really appreciate you talking to me like this."

"You need to talk to Joey. She really deserves to hear from you, you've been distant lately." Andy chastised,  
but in reality she should be taking her own advice.

"I say the same for you." I said with a smile, glancing up at my little sister in honesty. "You need to talk to Pacey."

"It's more complicated than you think." and with that, She sauntered out of the room and into the hallway leaving him in a spin of thoughts. To think about it, The talk didn't help him at all.

"Hey, Joey!" I called out as I spotted her dainty fingers clutching her books by her locker, she looked confouded,  
or defeated. But there was in no way Joey had lost a fight, she was too stubborn.

Joey peered up at me through impatient brown eyes, "Hey, what happened to you? You've been M.I.A lately."

I felt the contours of my lips tug up, appreciating the fact she had been thinking of me. "I've been really busy thinking about stuff."

Joey heaved out a sigh and slammed her locker door, "If It's about the poem I understand."

"I just don't get why everyone is making a big deal about it, It was a slip-up." I lied descreetly.

"I know, but you really need to stop caring about what people think, Jack." Joey shook her head, taking my hand in hers and starting to walk to Biology class.

Since the beginning of the year, Joey has really blossomed. Her only friends were really Dawson and Pacey, If Pacey really counted to her. At one point, Pacey developed a crush on her but it had only been a fad for a second. If you asked me, I think we all have fallen for her though I wasn't sure If what I felt was actually identical to Dawson or Pacey's feelings.

"Have fun in Biology." I say, and she snorts loudly as If it was the silliest thing she ever heard. Of course, I said the wrong thing again.

"I will try." Joey promised, before stepping into her classroom and waving a quick goodbye.

As I walked home from school that day, I felt the tension forming earlier come rushing back. I didn't want to think this way, I didn't want to float in the direction of negativity or depression. Maybe It was just best to tell someone.

and I found this as a great oppurtunity when my father waltzed down the steps.

"Daddy!" Andie squealed as she ran up to dad, noticing the luggage bags below his feet. "Where are you going?"

"I have some stuff to do, but I will be back in a few weeks." He spoke as he was just about to twist the door handle to step outside.

"Please don't go, Mom needs you. We can't take care of her on our own." Andie pleaded with puppy dog eyes, but my dad didn't budge from the door. I knew he was just going to leave us again, he hadn't been much of a father before.

"You can manage." He said, with snappiness in his tone.

"Ask me again." I awokened, slipping off the staircase and running towards the door before my father could step out without another word. I needed to tell him before he left, even If that meant the chance of him not ever loving me again.

"Ask what?" He asked without state of mind, the look on his face just scolding me not to tell him because he wasn't the father to listen anyway.

"Ask me if I'm gay again." Jack seethed, stepping forward as Andie shrinked away in fear. She didn't like confrontation,  
She was deathly afraid of it. He could read it in her features, and the way she held herself. She wanted them to stop,  
but she would just have to wait.

His father staired aimlessly back at him, waiting for an explanation. He wanted to get along with this.

"You are not gay." He proclaimed, but I couldn't believe him. I just couldn't.

"Yes, I am!" I spat through gritted teeth, "You know it! I see how you look at me - and I know you know. Think about how you treated me and the way you treated Tim. He was the real son, and I was different. And as hard as you've tried to put it out or to ignore it, I've tried harder. I've tried harder than you, to be quiet, and to forget, and to not bother my family with my problem. But I can't try anymore, because it hurts. I'm sorry, Dad. Andie, I'm sorry. I don't want to be going through this. But I am."

I turned my back on my father and went back to the staircase where I greeted Andie with a lonesome grimace, a rush of tears spilling down my cherry red cheeks.

"Stop crying, get up!" He demanded, as I began to slowly rise. But, to my surprise, Andie pulled me down and looked father dead in the eye, "Get out!"

He looked at her in betrayel, in outright confusion.

"I mean it-just get out!" Andie eyes almost popped from their sockets, showing her dedication. "We were fine without you,  
don't ever come back!"

And with that, He was out the door in a blink and then I understood why he returned, He was a blinking light flashing me towards my future and my future was just to be myself. That was enough. More than enough.

I wasn't sure If he would ever come back after that scene, but frankly, I didn't care if he did or not. Though I had to thank him for pushing me forward. 


End file.
